Without struggle there is no strength. No pain no gain. Ruffles have ridges. Surgery is just a tool (I said tool, it’s still funny). Only you can change you. You have to want to change. Carbs are delicious (that one’s mine, feel free to borrow it). Water-loading good, water-boarding bad. OK, that’s not a cliché. I just thought of it. Imagine all the people who are searching water-boarding on the internet and stumble across this. They shall be disappointed. I had a self-fulfilling prophecy. About two months ago, when I found out that I as going to be on a reality show, I said I have plenty of time to really lose these 15 pounds. Bet I won’t do it. Aaaaaand, I was right. Now, it’s not convenient to duct tape myself for an entire week, but duct tape now comes in ecru so I am considering it. We went to our county fair the other day and my husband took a picture of me sitting in one of those egg things that’s part of the Tilt-A-Whirl. I said who is that fat woman with your daughters? The next day he pulled out a video of me after I had lost 100 lbs. and that was revolting. So, in comparison, I am not fat. However, I am driven by my whims, fancies and desires. I like instant gratification. I always have. I eat right for a day or two and wonder why I’m not at my smallest immediately. I’ve read what addicts should and shouldn’t do. I don’t get that flashcards suggestion though. Yeah, I don’t see me doing that. When you want it, in my case some sort of food, think about how you’ll feel after. OK, a handful of chocolate chips are wonderful. No, really, have you not tried them? What’s wrong with you? Weird-o. Especially if I press them into the roof of my mouth, let them melt a little, then drink a little iced coffee and have the tastes mingle. Good. Times. How do I feel when I’m doing it? Fantastic. In return, it makes my brain crave more. I rationally know this. So I should never do it. Yet that high is so amazing. Yeah, tough call. Hard to believe that nine years after my gastric bypass I still have to say to myself what is more important? my totally hot clothes (oh, they’re smokin’) or a mouthful of deliciousness? Still there are times I waver. Like when I’m happy, or sad, or tired. Or when I’m breathing. But this time I have realized one thing. I am not a complete and total failure. I do a lot of good. I also know that when I get these 15 lbs. off, again, I will self-loathe, again. Because I know me. And that is something.
Tags: Belt buckle, chocolate, cliches, coffee, Do it yourself, ducttape, Food, food addiction, Games, gastric bypass surgery, Nail polish, Princess Leia Organa, Roleplaying, self-loathing, Tilt-A-Whirl, weight control, weight gain, weight lossYou can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.