Vodka is a clear liquid

I’m supposed to be on an all liquid diet for 24 hours.  I say supposed to be because I’ve sucked on a cracker.  I would not make a good survivalist.  I’m not doing a cleanse, by choice.  I just have a nasty test to take.  Really, enough said about the test.  You may be eating while you read this so I shall leave it at that.  As I have gone through this day I have recalled the 22 hours of labor I went through with Anna Grace.  I was allowed a few ice chips and two popsicles.  I had to beg the second one out of the nurses too.  They didn’t want anything in my stomach in case I had surgery.  Which I ended up having.  And telling the hospital staff, because my doctor knew of course, that my stomach wasn’t attached and I actually digested in my intestines so it wasn’t an issue–just didn’t fly.  However, I was slightly distracted under those circumstances because I was having my first baby, I was hooked up to all sorts of things and being violated in all manner of ways.  Oh yes.  Have you seen what obstetricians break a woman’s water with?  Well then.  My sainted doctor tried nine or ten times.  And couldn’t do it.  Thank you Anna Grace.  I’m thrilled I was that comfortable that you didn’t want to leave.  But seriously, a snack would’ve been nice.  I remember at one point my headache was so extreme from two days of not eating.  Yeah, I didn’t get anything for that either.  My husband has pointed out that with Lent about to begin I should do this each Friday and Ash Wednesday as well.  He’s not even Catholic.  He needs to keep his bright ideas to himself.  Sure, I could make chicken noodle soup and not eat the chicken, or the noodles.  Blech.  I’m doing what I do best.  Fantasizing about something steeped in deliciousness for after the miserable test.  At that point I will either be over the desire, or need to stash it in my purse.  I wonder…..In the meantime, I have allegedly returned to my Six Weeks to Skinny Jeans ways.  But I’m so unfocused it’s been up and down for me.  And it’s such a great program too.  Amy Cotta knows what she’s doing.  Now if I could stay away from everyone for about three weeks, and only have a trainer and a chef, I am fairly sure I could get my food focus back.  Until someone breathed on me wrong.  Then I would go off the deep end.  Oh, it’s never-ending.  I hear that some people fast on a regular basis.  Well, if it makes you feel better I say have at it.  I’ve never been a fan.  It makes me so anxious.  I know I’ll be able to chew food again.  It just feels like a never again situation.  It’s a little panic-inducing.  Especially when you love food as much as I do.  No, gum, won’t help.  Thanks for the suggestion.  I’m not a gummer.  Never really got into it.  I felt it lost its flavor after two minutes and then I ditched it.  After I got braces as a kid I never went back.  Though Juicy Fruit did provide a good two minutes.  Sigh.  I want to chew, crunch, binge.  But no.  I shall drink.  Not really satisfying me today.  Although the “vodka is a clear liquid” suggestion is valid.  I don’t think it’s quite what the doctor ordered.  Plus, I don’t have any.  Unless vodka has chunks in it.  If I could chew it, maybe.  And I suppose, if I had enough, it would be time for that ghastly test before I knew it.  And I wouldn’t even notice I was hungry.  Hmmmmm.

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