Filling the empty hole

Why do we eat?  We’re supposed to eat because it’s the fuel upon which our bodies run.  We don’t eat right, we don’t run well.  Our bodies break down and we can’t think clearly.  I could bring in some science here, but then I’d be off on another tangent.  However, many of you may have noticed that food is delicious.  Some more so than others.  Food is always there for you too.  It doesn’t call you names, judge you, or talk back.   Food doesn’t laugh at you, or with you for that matter.  It’s culturally there in vast amounts at every gathering of joy and sorrow you can name.  You’re engaged?  That’s great, here’s a cookie.  Your mom die?  That’s so very sad.  Eat this casserole.  And this cake.  For the food addict, life is a constant battle.  Will the entire box of Better Cheddars win?  Or the overwhelming desire to stay in the clothes you already own.  I consider myself a recovering food addict, I assume much like a recovering alcoholic would.  The 6 Weeks to Skinny Jeans program has really helped me with my carbohydrate addiction, which is separate from the food addiction and not as strong.  Much like candy, if I don’t eat it I don’t want it, unless I dwell upon it.  But once I have a taste of it, like an alcoholic falling off the wagon, it triggers something in my brain and my desire for it is virtually uncontrollable.  Sometimes, it takes a few hours for the desire to eat these things to pass.  Exercise switches it off, or eating something I should be eating.  Years ago I remember “stop the insanity” Susan Powter saying something along the lines of full is full.  Whether you got full on pizza or full on something healthy.  I had never thought of it that way.  At the time it didn’t help me, but it did make logical sense to me.  Since my bariatric surgery, it does help me.  Because once I’m full, I’m full.  And thankfully, I can’t physically eat any more.  With the 6 Weeks plan, which, by the way, with minor modifications, I don’t plan to veer off of after the 6 weeks because it is how I am supposed to be eating, I am in control and so are my cravings.  Most of the time.  But it doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments.  The other day I wanted something.  Just something to fill the empty hole inside of me.  That’s just one reason why I over ate.  That and because I never felt full.  I had a visual of a recovering alcoholic sitting in a bar surrounded by bottles knowing they were not supposed to drink.  And they didn’t.  And I didn’t eat anything I wasn’t supposed to either.  I just had the “wannas.”  I will live with  the wannas for the rest of my life.  It’s just the way I’m wired.  And every minute of every day I will have to make that choice.  Which is more important to me?  The instant gratification of that food I shouldn’t eat in my mouth?  Or the ultimate satisfaction that I am healthy?  You’d think it would be obvious.  You’d think it would be easy.  For me, it’s a battle I fight every day.  Luckily for my health, I am vain enough that I want to wear a certain style of clothes without being an embarrassment to myself.  As far as the battle is concerned, so far, I’m winning.  And I don’t like to lose.

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One Comment on “Filling the empty hole”

  1. Fran Says:

    I agree totally!!! I really couldn’t have said it better!!! Great post!


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