From deep inside the mind of a food addict

If you’ve never been addicted to anything, you will be shocked and appalled at my behaviors.  Bite me.  Some people simply do not understand addiction.  I have never been addicted to anything other than food.  Or shoes.  Or accessories.  Or photo shoots of involving me.  Or really any type of shopping.  But really, I’m not here to write about addiction transference, I’m here to tell you that I’ve never been addicted to drugs or alcohol or nicotine–but I am familiar with the pull and power it has over you.  Addiction is addiction and it makes you do what, to non-addictive personalities, may appear to be crazy things.  Things without thinking.  For instance.  A few months ago I had my laptop hooked up in the kitchen.  I was frosting a cake with one of those homemade stove top chocolate frostings that you pour, yes I said pour onto the cake and then it sets up all nice and shiny.  Some of it got on the connecting wire, or so I discovered when I was packing things up.   Without even thinking I put the computer wire into my mouth to suck off the frosting.  See?  Well, if you’ve ever tasted that frosting, you’d understand.  A week after my youngest turned four, again, a frosting incident.  Only this time it was within the confines of the 6 Weeks to Skinny Jeans program.  Her pink frosting from her gorgeous fairy cake had brushed up against a leather-bound desk calendar.  It was pink, dry, and free of debris, and the size of my pinky fingernail.  It was also in my mouth before I could stop myself.  (I didn’t put it in my food diary because I saw no listing for fingernail-sized servings of week old dried frosting.  Plus, it’s pathetic.)  I have to stop myself from adhering to the five second rule.  Don’t make me explain that one.  And when my children take one bite out of something then throw it into the trash, like a perfectly good cookie, it’s all I can do not to go George Costanza on the garbage and eat it myself.  Yet I have been able to control it.  Barely.  I made my five-year-old a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for kindergarten last week.  When I cut it there was a whisper of peanut butter and jelly that had oozed out onto the plate.  I licked it and moaned aloud.  I know I’m not alone in this.  It’s just that few addicts don’t talk about it so openly.  The 6 Weeks plan is helping me to think before I eat.  But I don’t ever think it will stop me from wanting to lick things.

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6 Comments on “From deep inside the mind of a food addict”

  1. Girl… I was at a music festival yesterday and I was about to start tackling people casue they were walking around with ICE COLD beers! Thought I was gonna die. I feel ya!

  2. thejaneellen Says:

    And I would’ve paid to see you tackle them too.

  3. Liza Says:

    I had icing touch my fingers yesterday when I was handing a little girl a cupcake at a birthday party. I was strong and actually wiped the icing on a napkin, but really wanted to lick the frosting off of all 12 cupcakes in the box.

  4. Little'n Says:

    Know exactly what you’re talking about. I made cupcakes the other day out of pure boredom and because no one was around I started to lick the bowl- the amount I licked could have seriously made another cupcake.

  5. Deborah Bohn Says:

    And when my children take one bite out of something then throw it into the trash, like a perfectly good cookie, it’s all I can do not to go George Costanza on the garbage and eat it myself.

    OMG – That’s my favorite line. And one of my favorite episodes. We also call that behavior “Pulling a Costanza.”

    • thejaneellen Says:

      My kitchen trash is hidden in a tall cabinet, as tall as a broom. You have no idea how many times I have opened that door and just stared at it. One bite missing from a cookie. Me rationalizing, “well, it’s only touching paper…” I’ve yet to give in. Like cannibalism, I think once I walk that road I won’t be able to turn back. (For future reference, I haven’t tried that either. And soylent green is people.)

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